I’m going in a few hours to get a large cyst on my thyroid biopsied. Yeah, you read that right, I’m being tested for cancer today.
This came out of nowhere. I went to an internist last week just to establish a primary physician and she noticed a lump on my thyroid. She sent me to ultrasound and then referred me to the endocrinologist. After meeting with the endocrinologist last Friday, he ordered a biopsy of the cyst.
The cynical part of me says, “Of course I’m being tested for cancer. When it rains it pours right?”
The desperate part of me says, “SERIOUSLY GOD? What else are we going to have to endure this year?”
The optimist in me says, “I don’t have cancer. This is just a routine precaution they have to take. I have a lot of positive things going for me, like normal blood work, no family history of thyroid cancer, and the fact that the cyst is largely cystic and not a solid mass.”
The pessimist in me says, “Yeah, I have a lot of things going for me. But let’s be honest, I had great odds that my baby son wouldn’t die of SIDS but that didn’t work out in my favor did it?!”
I want to be clear that I am quite hopeful that I don’t have cancer. Like I said, I have a lot of positive things going for me. And the endocrinologist said that these cysts are “typically benign.” But it’s hard. Still reeling from the loss of Charlie three and a half months ago, I no longer live in a naive reality where I am invisible. Before losing Charlie, I lived in the reality of, “That wouldn’t happen to me!” Then I lost Charlie and struggled for awhile with “Why me?!” And now I’ve largely entered this new state of mind where I think “Why NOT me?”