Running

Awhile ago I mentioned my New Year’s resolution was to have a year of Wellness. I am struggling with this goal in some ways and progressing toward this goal in other ways. One way that has been pretty consistent for me is running. Historically I hate running. Like really hate running. I didn’t run, like at all, until about four years ago. And even then, thirty minutes of running was about my limit. However, after losing Charlie and running the 10k for Grief a couple months later, I knew I wanted to run it again this year. It seemed like a good goal, especially after a year of hardly working out, growing a baby in my belly. So I got new running shoes and started running in March. It was painful at first and I am grateful for empowering music to inspire my feet to move. To further inspire me through the boring, painful monotony I consider running to be, I started signing up for races. Starting in March I’ve run a lot of 5ks this season because I find the energy of races to be intoxicating and fun!

As a result of all the running I’ve been doing, I have gotten to a place where I can run farther and faster than I ever have! And it feels really good! 5ks used to be so difficult for me! Now they are pretty easy. In fact, when I go running by myself I run a minimum of four miles, and if I have time, I try to push for more. I can even say I have begun to find running intrinsically enjoyable!

My goal for running this year was the 10k for Charlie.

Memorial Day, with dear loved ones, I accomplished this goal! This was a very special climax to my running endeavors.

But after finishing the race for Charlie, I had the thought…now what?

And then an opportunity arose to join a team from my work (called the Pink Freud-hehe) to run the Ragnar Wasatch Back race. Chad has run this race multiple times and always talked about how much fun it is. I decided this year I would run it!

So this last weekend I hopped in a van with a couple of my colleagues and their friends and together we spent the next 35 hours leap frogging across 200 miles from Ogden to Park City. I have never run so much, or so far in my life! And on so little sleep! I ran 14 miles over the course of 24 hours!

My first leg was easy: 2.6 miles with few hills. I ran that leg at an 8:40 pace and felt pretty proud of that. My next leg was 6 miles and I got to run it in the middle of the night! I literally picked up the baton (snap bracelet) from my teammate at about midnight and loped off into the darkness.

I’ve never run in the middle of the night. AND IT WAS AWESOME! It was pretty cold and I could see my breath as I ran. I could also see SOO many stars!!! Being that far away from any major city, the sky was just littered with stars! I had to resist the urge to stop and just stare up at them. Beyond the headlights on passing Ragnar vans and the bouncing headlamps from fellow runners, it was just me and nature. I felt so empowered that leg of the race. I felt so grateful for my body and for that moment to be with the stars, the cold air, the mountains, and my pumping heart. As I was running, I also felt this very subtle but perceptible change around me; where I suddenly didn’t feel alone. My mind lept to “Charlie!” and I actually looked around to see if I could see him. The feeling was so subtle I can convince myself I made it up…but I still felt it and I’d like to believe for part of my midnight jaunt, my baby boy was with me.

I ran those six miles faster than any 10k or even 5k I’ve ever run. I ran it at a 8:14 pace, finishing in under 50 minutes. I felt amazing and on such a high when I passed off the slap bracelet!

My high simmered down quite a bit as the night wore on. Sleep wasn’t an option until 7:30 am where I collapsed on the field of a middle school for a two-hour snooze.

My final leg of the relay was a 5.5 mile jaunt. I broke my two-year-no-caffiene streak and had a coke before my run. I figured there was no way I could run after already running 9 miles and surviving on two hours of sleep! As I ran, my energy felt fine and I had the goal of running at a 9:30 pace…but without my consent, my body started rebelling against me. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t run any faster than a light jog as both my IT bands flared on me and when I pushed myself my legs threatened to buckle underneath me. But I finished my legs and we finished the race!

I realized Ragnar pushed my body to its limits and it was an empowering experience! However, I was a bit disappointed at my body’s refusal to obey my commands that last leg of the race. So I feel motivated to train even more. But now what do I do?

Maybe a half marathon in September? We’ll see. I want to spend more time this summer hiking than pounding pavement. And it’s also always been a bucket-list item to do a triatholon…Oh decisions, decisions!

Right now in my life, I feel a lot of gratitude for my body and where it is taking me this year! It is so rewarding to push myself and see progress. It has not only been rewarding, but also so helpful as I’ve navigated painful emotions of anxiety, depression, and grief. I am a believer in exercise and respecting my body! And I am grateful for the awesome memories I’ve been able to create so far as a result of this endevour! I am glad I chose Wellness as a goal to progress toward this year.